welcome back world.

february.

february was fast, freeing, and full. i never had one dull moment, not even a second to relax. it was full of deadlines, appointments, and commitments. this kept my fast from being all that it could have been, but it's the history now. i fully appreciate the time i set aside last month to simply BE with God. i loved sacrificing for His glory. He deserves everything and nothing should stop me from being committed with word and deed (time) -- including facebook or even food.

i didn't journal a ton during the month, so i don't have too much to share. here's what i do have though:

day1: chapel was good, and i was ready to hear God. (side note: sacrificing for God's sake allows you to be more open and ready for what He has in store or is saying. it was a blessing this past month.) Tim Delina talked about having an open mouth for the glory of God. our body is a vessel for the ministry of spreading the Gospel, so every time we choose to close our mouths or hold back what God is saying through us, we are diminishing His purpose and plan. our mouths were created for two things: His PRAISE and spreading the Gospel. i want to do both... continuously.

he also spoke about doing things that need God to show up for, calling on a miracle. when we live with this kind of faith - we are truly 100% trusting in God to come through, to be our support. the book i read last month (crazy love) also spoke on this need for living dangerously for God's glory. i like it. i want it. i think it goes along with my verse for the year - being recklessly in love with God enough that it doesn't make sense to the people around me nor will the world understand. (the LUKE passage)

(side note: my book for this month was called 'Fasting' by Jentezen Franklin. it was really inspiring and challenging as i started and finished my first fast. i definitely recommend it.)

day2: i found myself frustrated with the new fast, where i wasn't doing facebook, tv, extra stuff - yet still my God-time was when i hit my bed for the night. it was something i struggled with the whole month, but God is still using those moments to speak to me. He's so cool.

day3: chapel, again - GOOD. from the lion, witch, and the wardrobe: Aslan is not safe, but He is GOOD. God is good. He's NOT safe. and that's okay with me. i love thinking about God's risky business and how He's bringing me into it.

day7: church at CBC (back home), Brent Wood spoke about dealing with disappointments. although at that moment, and even now i'm not dealing with hard disappointment - i have in the past, i will in the future, and sometimes life even now - as little as things are - get me down. the aspect i loved from this message was: making God's glory more important that my own personal desires. John 11.24 in the death of Lazarus, Jesus said that God will get glory from even this. he will be honored and glorified when i am more worried about that rather than being gratified.

day10: chapel again - not so crazy about it. but this one line stuck with me: people are not persuaded to the Gospel, they are attracted to it. what am i doing to attract people to the Gospel? when we live as the world does, or just a "little cleaner" - are they seeing the difference, are they seeing the impact of Christ?

day11: i made a conscious effort to be a patient and joyful person for the next week. i had/have been struggling with happiness... which is weird, i know. i don't smile. i don't laugh. i sit, and sulk, and dread. but i KNOW God's peace and i KNOW the joy He has given. i am ready to be on fire spiritually and emotionally to be a light, a joyful light to those around. this is still a struggle, but i like it. i like to challenge God has given to me to work to see His good in my bad.

day15: God loves us not because we are good, but in order to make us good. i like this too. :]

day18: submission. asking for God's guidance in something He might have in store. i'm not ready to talk about this yet on here, but just be praying for me as i'm pursuing what God has in store.

day22: chapel again. "Lord, teach us to pray." Luke 11.1. & our problem with submission: we want Him to be our Savior, but we're uncomfortable with Him being our LORD.

day22 (again): Psalm 63.1,5 "my soul thirsts for You; my whole body longs for You...You satisfy me more than the richest feast."

it was... good. amazing. thank You God for february. and meeting me there.

in other news? workouts are continued. i took a dieting break last week, which might have been bad. but i'm back on track now. i weigh 144 and have only 4 more pounds to make my end of march mark. i'm excited. my diet (starting today) is back to its strictness. also - i'm going to try to not eat after 8pm from here on out because it's healthy to have a 12-hour fast every night. my goal is no eating from 8pm until 8am. my body can burn that much more during those hours.

it's now that i really wish i would have taken pre-2010 workout pictures. it would be that much more inspiring to me. i mean - swimsuit season is coming up and that's one reason for me to get fit, and i love the way i look and feel - so there's two reasons. but seeing the difference between 2 months ago and now - i can only imagine how much more motivational it would be.

i'm happy. i love 2010. i love the changes and molding that has been taking place. i love growing deeper with my relationship with God. i love being healthy with my body (eating and working out). i love the blessings that i have experienced in the last 2 months. God is good.