then i took my coffee and decided to have coffee with Jesus. i mean - i have coffee with other friends, why not with my number one, right? so i read genesis 13-14 and psalm 7. then i read another chapter in becoming a woman of prayer and something hit me so hard. the chapter was about the Holy Spirit interceeding for us, but even more than that. the Father hears our prayers because of the Holy Spirit, we can't pray by ourselves. that's why romans 8:28 is so powerful and true, and completely relieving.
Romans 8:28: And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.
but even more than that,the author talks about how at the beginning of each year, she asks the Spirit to lead her to a passage for that year, to open her heart to a new yearly lesson. she told stories about how each passage she was lead to was exactly what she prayed for herself to learn (humility, letting go of sinful tangles, etc.). immediately i knew that the Spirit had been working in me, i had half heard, and had not known how to respond.
after reading crazy love i was really challenged about big steps in my life that i needed to make, but i was a little hesitant because i didn't know how others would accept my changes or decisions or just the difference within me. i didn't know if people would understand why i would be so different or how i fell upon these "radical" decisions. i knew that these fears or uncertainties shouldn't stop me from answering the clal of God on my life, but i didn't know how to get around them. then last sunday, the message was set in luke 2 - the story of Christ's childhood. the speaker asked us to really ask God to point out to us the reason we were reading that particular portion of scripture that day - to see what God wanted each of us specifically to get out of it. well the first time through the passage, i almost lost it. here it is:
Luke 2:48-50, 52 "His parents didn’t know what to think. 'Son,' his mother said to him, 'why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere.' 'But why did you need to search?' he asked. 'Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?' But they didn’t understand what he meant... Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people."
these verses explain perfectly the dilemma that i thought i was dealing with - people not understanding what i would be doing or my motive behind it. Christ wasn't worried about if people (his own parents even) approved of his current location or activity - he was too worried about doing his Father's work. i want to be too worried, too consumed about doing my Father's work. this is my prayer for this year. that i would be too captivated by my Daddy to worry about others' opinions of my actions or radical christianity, that i would be so wrapped up with His will that i didn't look for approval in other areas of life. i don't expect to succeed everyday, but i want to focus harder, to look straighter, and to really seek out living radically for the Kingdom.
so if you didn't get any of that - it's okay. i guess this blog is for me too... for me to look back and remember by purpose and to rely back on days that i was excited about the year when i want to quit or throw the towel in. but if you did get it - i challenge you to it. (pick up crazy love and you will not be the same... well, you actually have to read it first.)
physically yesterday was a great day too, although after writing all that and remediating on the fact that God was working in my life yesterday, my well-excersized day looks like nothing in comparison. wednesday night lori came over. her, jenna, and i worked out on exercise tv for an hour. we did a half hour of cardioke (pretty fun workout i must admit), then a leg workout (killer), and an abs video (with kendall - killer). it was really fun to workout with them - so hopefully that will be come a weekly ritual.
kelsey came over last night (shane's sister) and she came with good news: (well first of all - she brought me a self magazine - my latest craving and obsession.) there's a site sponsored by livestrong that is called: my plate. it counts your calories for you (much more effective and useful than mypyramid.gov) and gives you a calorie allowance for whatever your weight loss/maintaining goal is. for instance, currently my goal is to lose one pound per week: i put in my height and weight and currently lifestyle (active) - it tells me how many calories i can consume. then i tell it what workout i did and it gives me how many more i can have during the day. really effective tool for anyone that wants to just see how they are doing to get an idea of what the possibilities are.
this morning, kels and i went and worked out in the gym for a while. i did 15 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes of weight lifting (arms, shoulders, chest, back, legs). after being sore yesterday, i felt really good today. i'm loving that i still have a positive attitude about this whole new lifestyle - i know it's only 8 days in, but this is probably 8 days longer than i have ever lasted before.
thanks for reading and listening to my ranting. thank you for letting me know that you're trying out 2010 as well. here's a shout-out to all my fellow crazy people that think this is the year for change: ashley, danielle, michelle, tiffany (& uncle randy, i think), aunt debbie, erin, & kelsey. anyone else need support or encouragement? let me know. i love knowing there's other people going through this. for those of you who get up in the morning and just want to sleep in rather than workout - call me and i can see if i can't convince you. if you want to be that person for me - let me know. i'm going to need someone soon. :]