he's gone.

i know this post is not on topic with the theme of my blog, but for my sake, i need to write it out.

today is wednesday... and thankfully it's almost over. only 3 more wednesdays until shaner is back in the US and back in my arms. he left today for china. i know - you are all saying: "but alyssa, you leave every summer for 3 months, this is only 3 weeks." but the thing is - i left when i left. i was the busy, distracted one. i was the one who sometimes (sorry) forgot about home for a second. and now i'm the one at home, anticipating with everything in me the arrival, and he just left a few hours ago.

what may be worse is our lack of ability to communicate. he is only promised one opportunity to have access to internet while he's gone. we are used to talking everyday about everything. i don't know what to do now when all i want to do is turn my head and tell him everything. when i want to pick up my phone and know he's going to answer. when i want to be able to reach out and hold his hand.

i know i'm being dramatic. that's what girls do. especially girls in love. i'm sorry. i will get better. but right now, i just want him home. for good. (and in reality God, i just want him safe, happy, and coming home soon.)